How to Have A Baby (No, We Haven't Had Her Yet)

 So far, here is the advice my daughter has received about how to have that baby: drink raspberry leaf tea and have sex, gently. (No comment, I'm trying to be a very good mother-in-law.) Long walks, sitting and doing nothing, driving on a bumpy road, climbing stairs, and snow machining. Do jumping jacks, eat spicy food, go to the movies, make plans, eat a big breakfast and then go for a long walk. Eat nothing, drink water, and lie on the couch and watch TV. Run up and down stairs. Stand on your head. Someone said throwing up is a positive sign. (That happened two mornings a week apart, but nothing changed. It was just a bug, apparently.) Take a spoonful of Castor oil. (Which the doctor said definitely do not do.) And walk around in Fred Meyer all day.
 
She has also heard that her water will only break first thing in the morning, the middle of the night, or in the afternoon.That the baby will come on the full moon (which is not good news, since we just had two in December, and the next one is January 30.) Oh, and she has been advised to eat fireball chocolates and eggplant Parmesan. (I'm not sure if she should do that at the same time.) Swimming may help. (But she is worried her water may break, and definitely doesn't want that to happen in the Juneau pool. I mean it would be one thing if it happened in Haines, then Patty (the head lifeguards are both named Patty) would call the radio and say "we had to drain the pool and put new water in because Sarah's water broke" and everyone would be pleased for the update, but quite another thing  to have the state haz-mat squad show up and escort her and everyone else out of the Juneau pool amid sirens and flashing red lights. Now, if they had a water slide, like the Whitehorse pool, she might risk it. Canadians are a bit looser about rules and regulations.)
 
Now she's knitting another baby hat. (She's made fourteen, but given away some, to babies already born while she's been waiting.) As her husband said, her womb is way too nice a place to be. I just suggested a greasy cheeseburger and fries, that might do it. But she's having another cup of raspberry leaf tea. (She's on her second box.) And I'm going back to my friend's house for the night, to rest up, in case she calls at midnight. It's supposed to snow sixteen inches. She was born in a blizzard. Maybe it's good sign. Babies are always born in bad weather, right? 
 

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