May I live this day compassionate of heart, clear in word, gracious in awareness, courageous in thought– John O’Donohue
It’s pretty quiet in the cabin. The only sounds are the soothing waves meeting the shore and Trixie. I hear her shifting on the rug upstairs. My dog sleeps later than I do. The floor boards up there are the downstairs ceiling. Out on the trail there’s a voice I recognize, a woman, but can’t name her. She greets a charter fisherman walking to the harbor. I’m thinking: who is that? I know her. I hate when I forget a name. It will come to me as soon as I see her, no doubt in the community bath where we are all naked, but that’s another story.
I open an email about my Letter to the President blog. It begins, “Your words are deeply offensive to me” –I click it closed in a hot second and make coffee and read my daily prayers (the Episcopal lectionary), and then, thanks to my counselor who has coached me on balance and courage, I re-open it.
Here’s the thing. Every day is a lesson in humility, isn’t it?
I compose an apology. I don’t retract anything, but I do say I’m sorry that I offended her, that I did not mean to be holier than thou, and at least I am glad the comments provoked thought, and that she cared enough about our relationship to write me. I suggest a walk when I get home to Haines. I value our friendship.
I hear a whale blow and look up and watch and wait longer than you’d think for him to resurface– holding my breath. After catching one more glimpse of his arching wet back, I exhale and return to the original note to see if I missed anything.
Turns out I missed a lot. The signature and email address may have indicated a friend. But, it is a common name, and lots of people like swans. My friend does not have children and she does not live in Utah.
Well.
That’s much better.
But, if I am going to walk the talk, shouldn’t I treat her as if I did know her ? And when I believed that was true, it totally changed not just the tone of my response, but the heart behind it. (I know, maybe I think too much— I have been in Tenakee a month and it’s pretty slow here, but still. This is important stuff. Stay with me.)
And nothing is simple, black and white, is it? Right-with-the-world-thoughts, and especially right words like most meaningful things, take time. Aren’t quick and easy. My bread takes two days to make. It’s a very forgiving recipe. Even I can’t mess it up. Comfortable, even very short letters like this one, have way more wiggle room than tight little Tweets.
So, I look at my reply and don’t change it much. Well, I have to retract the offer to take a walk, since I’m not flying to Utah.
